


Entangled

by honeybee592



Series: OTP: Brains, Brawn, and Biotics [7]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Light BDSM, M/M, Shibari
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 14:29:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1986459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybee592/pseuds/honeybee592
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard attempts to gain an understanding into the relationship Kaidan and James have with each other and in the process learns a thing or two about herself, and the three of them.</p><p>Post war setting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Shepard caught Kaidan hovering in her peripheral vision. She nudged him away with her elbow.

“I can do this myself Kaidan,” she snapped.

She heard him sigh. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I know. But you’re getting in my way. Just, get out. Please.”

He stayed where was for a moment, right next to her, before placing his hand on her shoulder. “Shout if you get stuck.”

 _Yeah yeah, very funny_. So far all she’d managed to do was tie an undoable knot _and_ get her thumb stuck in it. Goddammit. She was an elite marine. She’d saved the galaxy _three_ times She could tie her own laces _and_ nail a head shot at three hundred meters. She would figure this out or die trying.

She’d been the one to come up with this idea and she was going to damn well be the one to execute it. With one last tug, she got her thumb free. The rest of the knot unraveled, falling in a heap against the chair she’d been tying up. _Trying_ to tie up. She scowled at its mocking mess of coils.

“I haven’t finished with you, you piece of shit,” she said, shaking her fist at the rope and chair. She left the room, the door closing on her failure.

James and Kaidan sat in the living room watching some shitty movie on the vid screen. She grabbed a beer and shuffled her way in. Wedged between her two men, sipping on her beer, her frustration drained away. As she laughed with them at this stupid movie, she forgot all about the stupid rope.

She remembered it later while James snored softly on her right, Kaidan sighing on her left. They were spent. And they’d missed the end of the movie in their rush to get to the bedroom and finish off what James’d started on the couch. Lying there as the post-coital glow dimmed, she thought about that rope again. What was the appeal? It looked beautiful, gorgeous. It was that simple. But the execution was so complicated.

 


	2. One

Kaidan and James had their… thing... going on. Shepard didn’t want to say the word. Didn’t want to define it. She’d seen what they did and the thought of being restrained like that, being at the mercy of someone else did not appeal. Neither did the thought of having that power over someone.

She’d found out about it by accident, walking in on them one evening. She’d frozen in the doorway, staring at James with his hands above his head, cuffed around the headboard and Kaidan knelt over him with this wicked grin on his face. It burned into her mind. The fear, the repulsion preventing her from moving. Both men snapped their attention to her, James with this guilty look on his face. She’d backed away, retreating to the safety of the living room. They’d come through later and she’d yelled at them, demanding to know where Kaidan got off on hurting James when he couldn’t fight back and why James could possibly want to be dealt punishment he didn’t deserve. Kaidan wasn’t hurting him, James had tried to explain, it wasn’t a pain thing. But she didn’t listen. All she could see was James left defenseless and _liking_ it.

Really, it was none of her business what those two did. The three of them had separate sex lives. They shared each other and would come together as the mood dictated. But over time, Shepard had seen how James and Kaidan’s time together in the bedroom had strengthened their bond outside the bedroom. When she really stopped to think, she saw that she needed to understand _why_ they did what they did.

Her searching took her to the extranet, naturally. Overwhelmed and somewhat repulsed by what she found, she shut the datapad off and chucked it down the bed. Even typing those four letters had taken more resolve than she thought she had. ‘BDSM’. Such a loaded term, filled with more possibilities than she could possibly believe.

But she wouldn’t be defeated. She refined her search, found reputable sites. They ranged from ‘how to’s’ to romance stories, vids and online stores. She started with the stores, just looking at the things on offer. Hand cuffs, even fluffy ones, had her backing away. Too military, too prison-like. Likewise, she ignored the coils of rope and the rolls of tape. Too much like some missions she’d been on, finding hostages tied up at the back of a dilapidated prefab, their eyes wide with terror. She scrolled past the floggers and crops and clamps and cages. She couldn’t see the appeal. Though it was good to see them in a distant, abstract way, not being... demonstrated. Less threatening that way. The stores satisfied the _how_ but didn’t explain the _why._

One store’s range led her to a series of very popular books all about… that… topic. She read one with a mixture of curiosity, disgust, and, well, arousal. Sex was hot. Fun. Enjoyable. She didn’t need a book to tell her that. The characters in that story enjoyed themselves, that was in no doubt. She finished the first book and with a feeling of self loathing, picked up the next. This one was more extreme. One of the characters had to submit _all the time_. Too much for her. So she’d gone back to the first one, found the passage that had had her squirming uncomfortably next to Kaidan as they read in bed together one night. Now, on her own, she read it again, finding her free hand snaking its way into her pants. It didn’t take her long to stroke herself to completion, following the cues of the book’s protagonist, coming at the same time as her.

 _Shit. What does this mean?_ Jacking off to porny texts like she was back at highschool, passing poorly encrypted datapads from friend to friend. But this stuff was different. That stuff was all about never ending cunnilingus from tall, ripped, bronzed heroes with massive cocks. She laughed. That description fitted James perfectly, except for the exaggerated size. These decidedly more adult stories focused on the bored housewife wanting to spice things up, whip her rich husband into submission. It wasn’t Shepard’s thing, and it wasn’t what James and Kaidan did. But from that first book, she gained a glimmer of an insight into what might be going on in her guys’ heads. It was more than just titillation. There was trust there too, but a different kind of trust from what she had with her two guys.

During one search, she found the image that changed everything. A nude woman, softly lit by some outside light source, skin a dark tan like James’. Her torso and shoulders wound in an exquisite array of white knotted rope. She wasn’t tightly bound like the other models Shepard had seen. The rope curled around her, looking more like something you’d see on a dancer at one of Aria’s classier establiments than, well, a hostage. This was artistic.

Shepard stared at the image, mesmerised.

She clicked through, found the site of the photographer. Husband and wife team. There were more photos. A whole gallery. In another, the woman’s back was shown, thick rope plaited down her spine, ending where her tailbone would. More rope wrapped over her shoulders and under her armpits. It zigzagged down her body, around her hips, between her legs and around her thighs.

“Shit,” she whispered.

There were other photos where the woman’s hands were bound behind her back but the intricacy and delicacy of the patterns and knots were so mesmerising that Shepard forgot all about her fears. Heat pooled between her legs but she didn’t feel shame or embarrassment. What she was looking at was nothing short of art. Incredibly sexy art, yes, but art all the same.

This was the kind of thing she could get into. It wasn’t submission or pain. It was something else entirely. Love. Trust. Beauty.

But it wasn’t herself she pictured wrapped up like that. It was James. She imagined doing something similar to him, criss crossing rope around his chest, following the angle of those striped tattoos on his pecs. _Recreating_ that tattoo that graced his right shoulder. Yeah, she could make four little knots in the centre of his abdomen. That’d be the stylised four leaf clover from the middle of his tattoo. Then she could work out, laying and overlapping rope until it covered his torso. She’d use black rope. He’d be beautiful.

She went back to that first picture, the one with the white rope knotted and wound around the woman’s torso. She needed to talk to the guys, show them this picture. She had to get them on board.


	3. Two

Shepard brought it up during a lull in conversation over dinner the next night.

“Hey, have you guys tried rope bondage?” she asked, like she was asking if they’d tried the new curry place down the road.

Kaidan choked on his drink. James froze, his fork halfway to his mouth.

“What?” Shepard flicked her gaze between the two men.

Kaidan recovered first, thumping his chest with his fist. “You’ve, uh, you’ve never used the ‘B’ word before.”

“So?”

“So now you just say it like it’s nothing? I didn’t think you liked it.”

Shepard shifted in her seat. “I… I don’t like what you two do.”

A fork clattered to the floor. All eyes shot to James. Head bowed, he mumbled an apology, retrieved his fork. His gaze seemed to flit between Kaidan and his own plate. He wasn’t looking at Shepard, that was for sure.

“I’m _trying_ to understand it. Even if I don’t like it. That’s fair, right? James?” Shepard looked at James, but he merely glanced up at her, then Kaidan, before turning his attention back to his plate, pushing his food around.

“Why would you even want to know?” Kaidan asked. He sounded more curious than pissed.

Shepard forged on. “I wanted to find out what the appeal is to what you guys do and I found this. It’s... it’s pretty hot, I thought. And I thought maybe you did it.” She held up the datapad, the image of the woman bound in white rope filling the screen.

Kaidan took the pad off Shepard. “This is exquisite.”

Shepard grinned at his enthusiasm. “I know, right? Show James. Imagine him like that.”

James slammed his knife and fork down. “Right. I’m done. Going for a run.” He pushed his chair back and stalked off in the direction of his bedroom without a second glance at the others.

Shepard turned to watch him leave then returned to her meal in silence. Kaidan put the pad down, mirroring her frown. Once James had emerged in his running gear and the door had cycled shut behind him, Shepard poked Kaidan.

“Hey. What’s crawled up his ass?”

“You, Shepard. You can’t just blurt out stuff like that. It doesn’t work that way.” Kaidan sighed, leant his elbow on the table, rubbing his neck. “You’ve never expressed any positive interest for what we do. Maybe he… maybe he’s just as shocked as I am.”

Shepard frowned. “Shocked?”

“Berry, you think we’re freaks. You’ve said as much to our faces--”

“I was angry! And that was ages ago. We worked that out, I thought...”

“Yeah, but... words cut deep. We remember them. And James, you hurt James bad.” Kaidan reached out and took Shepard’s hand in his.

Shepard stared at the space where James had sat. She’d never want to hurt him. He was her big teddy bear. He was her badass N7 comrade. He was flirting, teasing, James Vega. She’d never hurt him. Except when they’d spar and she’d punch the shit out of him, make him bleed. He’d do the same to her. That was fun, mutual. But she’d never _hurt_ him.

“I’m sorry.” It came out quiet. “I didn’t know.”

Kaidan squeezed his hand, said he’d talk to him, if he could. “But you know how he can get.”

Before Shepard could think about it too much, Kaidan stood, pulling her to her feet. “Hey, come on. You may have pissed him off but I’m more forgiving of your faux pas. Tell me about your research, and what you were searching for anyway. And tell me more about this rope work.” He lead her to the couch, taking the datapad with him.

They curled up together, datapad where they could both see it. Shepard, buoyd by his soft smile and open eyes, explained what she had been looking for. She showed him what she’d found in the process, finishing with her vision for James. Kaidan followed her with interest. She smiled back, pleased that at least someone was excited for her.

*

By the time her and Kaidan had finished their conversation, James still hadn’t come home. She might’ve been pushing her luck, but she crawled into his bed anyway, stayed up waiting for him to return.

When the door finally cycled open, James stood there in his towel, fresh from a shower, body filling the round frame. He was gorgeous. Always had been.

“Hey, I’m bunking with the Major tonight, okay?” He thumbed across the hall. Shepard could see the effort of looking at her was almost too much for him.

“Do you want company?” She asked, offering a half smile. The thought of sleeping alone tonight was too great. She’d wanted to snuggled up next to James, let him know that she loved him.

“No.”

The door cycled shut.

 


	4. Three

Silence descended over the house. James wasn’t talking to Shepard, barely talking to Kaidan. At least he acknowledged his presence. He just ignored Shepard like she wasn’t there. Shepard in turn, ignored him.

She hated this. Normally, she’d chuck James’ workout clothes at him and they’d run it out, talk at the top of the hill outside the base before running back down as fast as they could for sweaty, stinking make-up sex.

Kaidan was stuck in the middle. He tried to check his frustration, but Shepard could see the strain wearing him down. His lips remained in a thin line, eyes sad and hollow. Over dinner, he didn’t even bother prattling on about his day. Shepard prompted him a few times, missing the conversation, the passion he had for his biotic students. But all she got was one word answers.

James had returned to his own bed so Shepard had crawled back into Kaidan’s. In the privacy of their room, he held Shepard, letting his frustration out. He was angry with both of them for different reasons. And pissed that James had rejected Shepard’s olive branch.

“He can be such a stubborn bastard,” he said.

“You’re one to talk,” Shepard smirked.

Kaidan saw the funny side, smiling too, just for a second. “I don’t want to push him, but I’m not putting up with this for much longer. He’s got until the end of the week to find his voice or I’ll find it for him.”

*

Kaidan didn’t need to wait until the end of the week. Unforeseen events called for an immediate thawing of the frost.

Shepard came back from her early-morning run to find the house in chaos. James’ duffle lay open on the dining table, gear spewing out. The man himself hopped in from the hallway, dressed in his BDUs, trying to get his boots on and walk at the same time.

“What’s going on?” Shepard put her hand out, stopping James from falling over. It was the first time she’d touched him in four days.

“Been called up.” He replied, sitting down and yanking his boots on properly. That was the most he’d said to her in four days, too.

That made no sense. He wouldn’t get get called up. He’d get some warning, get some intel, time to gather a team.

“When do you go? Where are you going? Whose orders? Why wasn’t I asked?”

James chuckled. “One question at a time Lola.” That laugh put Shepard at ease despite the rush and confusion. It meant he wasn’t angry at her. Well, not right now at least.

Kaidan came through with more of James’ gear, laid it out on the table, then he went over to the kitchen and got the coffee machine going.

“Uh, in order. Okay. Needed to leave about ten minutes ago. Headed to Benning. Again. Hackett’s orders. Must be top priority shit if he’s involved. Don’t know why you weren’t asked. Probably too urgent. Maybe you’ll get a call later.”

“When did he call?”

“Quarter hour ago. Gotta be on board ASAP. Some shit’s gone down and I gotta move. Transport will be here soon.” He finished lacing up his boots, stood up and started packing.

James preferred to pack his own gear. So while Kaidan could gather gear, put it out, actually stuffing all that crap into the bag was something only the bag owner could do. Shepard watched with growing frustration as James slipped his spare BDUs, datapads and toiletries into his duffle. This didn’t sound good. Benning was always a mess but those messes rarely needed an N7 team to clean up. Maybe it was a quick in and out, suppress a hot spot, secure the place leaving enough peace for ground forces to move in.

Shepard accepted a mug of coffee from Kaidan without really noticing him. He stood next to her, reading over something on his omnitool.

“You got a brief there Kaidan?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah,’ he replied, not taking his eyes off the holo.

“Lemme see,” Shepard pulled her own ‘tool up, ready for use once Kaidan sent it.

“Nuh uh Lola. No time. You can read it after we’ve said our goodbyes.” James zipped up his bag and grabbed Shepard’s hand, leading her down the hall. “We’ve got seven minutes,” he said, glancing at his ‘tool. “And I’m not wasting it taking my clothes off or talking intel.” He dragged her into his room and thumped the door pad. It closed silently.

Shepard glared at James as he untucked his shirt, too stunned to believe what was happening. He hadn’t said more than two words to her in four days. He’d refused her words, her hugs, her coffees, and was now demanding a quickie? Sure, goodbye sex was a thing they did. But usually they had more notice and they could take their time. And they weren’t usually in the middle of an argument, either.

“Wait, James, wait.” She pushed him off her. “What about the other day?”

James groaned in frustration, his hands on his fly, belt already unbuckled. “Shepard, I don’t wanna talk about that. I wanna say goodbye to you. If I had more time, if I was leaving tomorrow, then yeah. But I can’t leave with us pissed at each other.”

“We’re not pissed at each other. _You’re_ pissed with me! And I can’t just fuck you when I don’t know why you’re pissed.” Shepard shoved him back some more.

James looked up from his pants and met Shepard’s glare. His brows were drawn in, hazel eyes searching hers. He seemed torn between the need for a quickie and the need to explain.

“Shepard. I love you. Okay? Yeah, we need to talk. You hit a raw nerve and maybe I overreacted. But I need to leave. What if--” _I don’t come back_. He didn’t need to say it. It was always a risk. He commanded some dangerous missions these days. He’d lost guys on a couple.

Shepard stepped forward, cupped his cheek in her hand, running her thumb over that scar across his face. “When you come back, we’ll take all the time we need to welcome you home, okay? But not now. Not like this. I love you too, you know that.”

James crumbled, pulling Shepard into a tight hug, her face wedged against his chest, the clips of his shirt digging into her temple. She didn’t care. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.

“You know I’d never hurt you, right? But I have and I’m sorry.” She didn’t know if he could hear her words, muffled against his chest. But his hand rubbed her back and he nuzzled the top of her head.

When they pulled back, Shepard saw his eyes heavy with tears, threatening to fall. She blinked back her own and they just stared at each other. A soft knock at the door pulled them out of their moment. It opened to reveal Kaidan standing awkwardly, avoiding looking at them.

“Transport’s here,” he said softly.

Shepard let James go and he cracked his neck, shook his arms out. He turned to leave but Shepard pulled him back with a hand on his hip.

“Can’t be giving people the wrong idea now, can we,” she joked, tucking his shirt in and buckling his belt. James laughed before dipping in and kissing her. Not quick, but not nearly long enough either.

With a big sigh, he walked out, Shepard and Kaidan following him down the hall. He slung his bag over his shoulder and the three walked to the door. The shuttle hovered outside, in too much of a hurry to even land. James turned, kissing Kaidan, then Shepard.

“I’ll call when I know what’s happening, okay?” He left without a further glance. Gone, the shuttle cruising away before the doors had even closed.

 


	5. Four

Shepard had a chance to read through James’ mission brief later that day. It was a supposed to be a snatch and grab of some high profile criminal. Simple. But James called that evening spitting tacks. All that shitstorm this morning only to sit grounded for four hours. In that half hour between Hackett calling and James getting to the ship, brass had cooled their toes. So James and his crew were left twiddling their thumbs until they got the go ahead to launch.

“Should’ve just done a Shepard and hijacked the ship,” he muttered.

“Hey, it could be worse,” Kaidan said.

“Yeah, you could be hacking terminals for intel,” Shepard added with a grin.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. New intel came through before. Got us watching this prick instead of taking him down. Dios, it’s gonna be boring. Shouldn’t be away too long though. Keep the bed warm. We’ve got unfinished business, no?”

Whether the smirk hadn’t quite reached his eyes, or the connection wasn’t great, Shepard couldn’t be sure. Once the call ended she sat back, heavy and tired again.

“He’ll be fine, Shepard. You read the intel and he knows what he’s doing.” Kaidan said, pulling Shepard in for a hug.

That wasn’t what was bothering her though.

“Did you talk?” Shepard asked.

Kaidan sighed, giving her a squeeze. “Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?”

“He’ll tell you in his own time.”

They fell into silence. Everything had been silence recently. The weight of the last week settled heavy on her shoulders.

Kaidan shifted against her, cleared his throat.

“Hey, listen. There’s this thing James and I do. It’s, uh, it’s kinda weird. Maybe you want to try it. Us, together.” When Shepard raised her eyebrow he hastened to add, “Don’t worry, we’ll keep our clothes on.”

Shepard nodded and Kaidan brought up a screen on his omnitool. Shepard tucked her feet up and snuggled against him.

“We gonna watch a movie on a tiny screen? Wow, you guys really are kinky.”

Kaidan scoffed at her sarcasm. He pulled up a bookmark. Shepard recognised it instantly: the front page for one of the extranet stores she’d found during her research. She stiffened.

“Kaidan,” she warned, pulling away.

He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her back in.

“Shh. Shepard. It’s okay. Listen.” He kissed her hair and retrieved his arm. “Sex is an intimate thing. You’re exploring each other and it’s fun to do that in different ways, whether you’re using your hands, a dick, your tongue. Or, toys, props. We, James and I, we’re no different. So we look at all that’s on offer and see what catches our eye. Seeing something can set the brain going, give us ideas. Whether we act on them or not, well, that requires a conversation. We don’t buy anything without agreeing on it first. That’s just us. Some people might like surprise butt plugs but that’s not us.”

Shepard listened to Kaidan ramble on about sex toys and intimacy glad to be nestled against him as her eyes glazed over. This wasn’t the kind of thing she wanted to try and she didn’t appreciate the lecture on how intimate sex could be. She knew all that. Her and Kaidan were all about the connected bodies, the eye contact, the butterflies and the feeling _so whole_ together.

“What’s this got to do with anything?” she asked, getting impatient. She’d rather be watching a movie on a tiny screen.

“Rope.” Kaidan flicked to a page. It was full of different kinds of rope. Red rope, black rope, white, green, stuff that was thin, stuff that was thick. Even some stuff that looked like electrical wiring. All neatly coiled. All so… innocent, coiled like that. It didn’t do anything for her.

Shepard sighed. “James isn’t interested.”

“Maybe not. But I am. You wanted black. What kind?”

Shepard didn’t know. She hadn’t looked into it in that much detail. Kaidan must have caught her hesitation.

“We don’t have to buy anything now. If you wanna try tying knots first, see if you like it then we can… acquire some rope from somewhere. Can’t be that hard. Then you can practice.”

Shepard nodded. They sat together quietly for a few minutes, Kaidan leaning his wrist against his knee while Shepard flicked through the different ropes on offer. The ones made from natural Earth fibres, hemp and jute looked great, and she imagined they smelled like dried grass in the summer. The nylon ones looked silker, the diamond weave like snake skin. Then there was the length and diameter. She sighed. Choosing some damn rope shouldn't be so difficult. Armour was simple compared to this. At least there she knew what she wanted, both the look and the function. In battle, on recon, whether on groundside or spaceside, Shepard became one with her armour. She knew how it reacted, how hard she could push it, when she needed to back off, let it cool down--literally and figuratively.

She froze, one hand curled around Kaidan’s thigh, the other poking at the screen. The cogs in her head turned. The relationship she had with her armour sounded suspiciously similar to how Kaidan had described his relationship with James. She smirked, pleased to have finally figured something out. Then another idea came to her.

“Hey, Kaidan. Maybe we should get something. For us. Not rope. But, a toy? What’d’ya say?”

He kissed her temple, nudged her head over so he could kiss the shell of her ear. “I like the sound of that.”

It didn’t take them long to find something they both wanted. Just two things, simple, non-threatening. The first, some massage wax that would melt into the skin once warmed up. The second, a small vibe in a lurid purple. The thrill of trying something new excited Shepard. And Kaidan seemed just as keen.

The excitement didn’t last long. “We could’ve fabricated the vibe. And I’m sure we could’ve improvised on the wax.” Shepard griped when she found out how long it would take to deliver. Guess she should’ve known that a half burned out planet whose main population centred on a military base wouldn’t have a warehouse of this stuff for same day delivery. It had to come from off world.

“Waiting’s half the fun,” Kaidan said, voice low and gravelly as he kissed his way down Shepard’s neck. “The anticipation coils in your stomach. Then, delivery day comes and you pick up that package. No one else knows what’s in it. But _you_ do. It takes quite some self control not to spring one right there in the mailroom. Especially… if… your lover… is standing... right… next to you.”

“We can’t have that now, can we?” Shepard teased, turning to let Kaidan help pull off her shirt and ease her back on the couch. He followed her down, planting kisses over her chest, down to her navel.

“And what do you do when you arrive home?” Shepard asked between gasps. Kaidan’s hand slipped lower, inching under her waistband.

“Go to the bedroom. Lock the door. Open the package. Really slowly. And we don’t come out until we’re flushed. And spent. And sticky. And our bones have turned to jelly. And we can’t walk straight.”

“Can’t wa--wait.” She sucked in a gasp as Kaidan slipped two fingers in, curling and caressing.

He took her apart on the couch, kissing her the way she loved, touching, grinding, _sighing_. And she did the same in return, drawing out groans the way she knew he craved. All those sounds so uniquely _Kaidan._ All those moves that connected them. They knew each other’s bodies so well.


	6. Five

Acquiring practice rope turned out to be more difficult than Shepard had anticipated. There was nothing on base that was remotely suitable. The idea of practicing with the kind of rope used for deploying at height was a no goer. It was designed to lock onto gloves. Touching it with bare hands made her skin crawl. It was like rubbing a cat’s tongue.

She did find some skipping ropes in the gym, but they were made from some kind of plastic. She even checked all the vehicles she could. They _did_ have rope in their emergency kit compartments but there was no way she was going to lift something from a kit that could be needed in a life-or-death situation.

In the end Shepard gave up. Kaidan found her on the couch, dejected, surrounded in a pile of shredded and plaited sheets that she’d made in a desperate last attempt. But they didn’t work. The knots held too tight and the plaits didn’t sit properly.

“Hey Shepard. Maybe we should bite the bullet and buy the real thing.” Kaidan cast aside the torn sheets and sat down.

“There’s no point. Not until James agrees. It’s a waste of time otherwise.” She thumbed one of the too-tight knots on the makeshift rope. Kaidan’s breath hitched, like he wanted to say more. “What? What’re you thinking?”

He shifted, averting his gaze. “Uh. I was thinking if we got some, then maybe… maybe I could have a go. With the rope. That work you showed me was amazing, and I thought…”

“You want me to tie _you_ up?” Shepard asked, eyes wide. She’d never even considered that. She’d only pictured winding the rope around James. Kaidan though, maybe. _But he might be too hairy--_

“No. No that’s not what I was thinking.” Kaidan’s cheeks flushed pink, his smile lopsided. “Maybe you could let me wrap the rope around you.”

Shepard stiffened. “No. No way. Not gonna happen. I don’t wanna be trapped. Nuh uh.”

“You don’t have to be trapped,” Kaidan said. “We could do it so you could still move, keep your arms and legs free. I found some other pictures where the rope wrapped up the legs like stockings. More where it’d been plaited into the model’s hair, where it wound around her chest and back. You… you’d look amazing like that, Berry.”

Shepard screwed her face up. Being restricted was the one thing she hated the most out of everything. It terrified her to the extent that she rarely let James on top of her, his bulk crowding her, leaving her feel trapped even though she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. Sure, Kaidan wasn’t suggesting he tie her to the bed, but in her mind, there was little difference between that and having rope wound around her. But then, that’s what she had in mind for James. She groaned, torn by the conflicting desires and fears that tugged at her.

“I don’t--I don’t know. I can’t--” she stammered.

Kaidan pulled her in for a hug, careful to wrap his arm around only her waist. “I've blown your mind, haven’t I?” He said, smiling. “It’s just an idea. Think about it. James comes up with most of our ideas. Some of them have me reacting the exact same way. But he lets me think on it. And then we talk, come up with a compromise, find something that works for both of us. Maybe that’s what you and I need to do.”

Shepard shrugged, trying to picture it without her stomach trying to crawl out of her throat. He’d left her with much to think about.


	7. Six

To be honest, she’d forgotten all about her and Kaidan’s order in the ensuing frustration over rope, and other, more political gripings that she found herself wound up in. _I’m a soldier, not a diplomat,_ she thought as the Council implored her to work her magic on some incident or other. She didn’t care. If it didn’t involve donning her armour and strapping her Mantis to her back, she wasn’t interested.

She’d been storming across base when her ‘tool pinged.

_Automated message from: Alliance Navy HQ Mail Room_

_Attn: Major Alenko, Captain Shepard_

_Msg: You’ve got mail._

She barely slowed as she read the notification. Who the hell had sent her and Kaidan a joint package? His mother, maybe. But James’ name would’ve been included too. Her ‘tool pinged again.

_Major K: You near by? Guess what’s arrived. Come meet me in the mail room, ASAP._

This time she stopped dead in her tracks. _Oh_. She flushed. Turning on her heel she headed back in the direction she’d come, flicking terse ‘yep’ in reply. She found Kaidan already there, waiting outside the private boxes that lined the walls of the mail room.

“Hey, there you are,” he kissed her, very chaste. Too chaste, Shepard thought. They walked up to the desk hand in hand. Since the package was addressed to both of them, it sat behind the counter instead of the private boxes. Shepard thought that only putting one name down would arouse less suspicion, but Kaidan’s insisted on both their names.

“Package from home?” the officer asked from behind the desk.

“Could well be. I hope so, anyway. Mom’s due to send some of her chocolate oat cookies.” Kaidan flashed a wide grin, signing off the package. Shepard hid a smirk behind his back.

“Lucky for some. You enjoy those cookies. You know where I am should you want to share,” the officer huffed.

They left, nodding polite farewells.

“Mom’s cookies my ass,” Shepard scoffed once they were out of earshot.

“Hey, my mom makes great cookies,” Kaidan protested. “Anyway, he didn’t need to know that home baking isn’t what we we’re going to be feasting on.”

Shepard squeezed his hand tight and picked up the pace. She might not still understand why Kaidan and James did what they did, but she appreciated the thrill of anticipation well enough.

*

They’d come home and headed straight for the bedroom. Shepard opened the box, butterflies fluttering around in her stomach as the contents was revealed. The wax smelled musky, inviting. She held a bead of it on her palm, felt it melt slowly. She rubbed it into Kaidan’s neck, near the base where the tendons were always tight. He sighed at her touch, eyes slipping closed. She nudged him awake, not wanting him to drift off.

With all the giddy joy that came with testing a new gadget, she flicked the vibe on, delighted with the sensation running through her hands. Heat coiled low, anticipating what it would feel like further down. It was her first sex toy. Kaidan’d been so amused to discover that Shepard had never used a sex toy in all her life.

“Not even your super fancy toothbrush with all those different settings?” he laughed.

“Ew, no! Why--how? No, don’t tell me. No, do.”

She’d always been happy enough with her hand. Or someone else’s hand, or tongue, lips, thigh. Never even thought of using something that wasn’t attached to another human. It just wasn’t practical on a ship. Her hands were with her all the time. There was no chance they could fall out her bag in an inopportune moment. Now though, now she realised that she might’ve been missing out.

Kaidan had let her call the shots, use the wax and the vibe as she saw fit. And now, afterwards, as he sat back in bed holding her hand, he had that smug grin that could only mean ‘I told you so.’ He didn’t say anything and neither did Shepard. They just sat together, bodies pressed up, fingers interlaced.

She didn’t want this feeling to end. The contentment, the satisfaction, the sensation of feeling _whole_ and _one_ and loving someone so much it _hurt_. She’d lost herself in Kaidan before, James too. She appreciated taking the time to just revel in her partner’s body. It wasn’t like this was a new revelation. But now, basking in the afterglow of her overstimulated body, Kaidan next to her, the point hit home. Maybe... maybe this is what her guys felt when they were together.


	8. Seven

Shepard tapped her foot but avoided crossing her arms, instead clasping them tighter behind her back. Her ‘tool pinged for a second time, another message. She glanced at the clock on the console in front of her. This meeting was interminable and showed no sign of wrapping up any time soon. She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly through her nose as she listened to Councilor Tevos prattle on. At least it was a holo call. They wouldn’t be able to see the seething rage radiating off her.

James was due in port. Shepard knew that first message would be him saying he was on this side of the Sol relay. That second message would be him saying he’d docked. Hopefully Kaidan’d be there to greet him. Shepard wanted to _be_ there but she’d been called to this bullshit meeting at the last minute and she couldn’t pull Spectre rank and dive out. Not when it was the Council wanting to talk. Talk. That’s all they ever did.

She drifted off, half listening, half plotting her welcome home for James. After real coffee and real food, they usually had a bathtime debrief--all three of them. Gave the returnee a chance to give their full report on the mission, say all the things that got left out of the official reports. It’d become a way to decompress, return to Earth, as it were. Afterwards, the returnee would take one, sometimes both, of them to bed and not surface until morning.

“Shepard? Captain, did you hear me?” Councilor Tevos’ voice pierced Shepard’s daydream.

She shook herself. “Yes, ma’am. Of course. Just… thinking.” _Nice save_. She rattled off an answer, not entirely sure what she’d agreed to, but she’d sort it out later.

“Well, if that’s all,” she suggested.

Luck was on her side. The Councilors concurred and Shepard cut them off just a touch too quick to be polite. She didn’t care. She needed to get home.

The quick hack on the skycar did the trick, zipping her home much faster than base speed limits permitted. She jumped out before the doors had even fully opened and slapped her hand on the front door reader.

“Come on, come on,” she muttered.

Finally that green light flashed.

The living room was empty, James’ gear on the table. The bitter and burnt scent of coffee and toast hit her nostrils.

“James!” she called. “Kaidan?” She stalked the house, stopping outside the bathroom, cocking her head to the door. Water was running. Her heart sunk. They’d gone in without her. Dejected, she turned to head back to the kitchen when the door opened and an arm shot out and grabbed her.

“Get in here Lola.”

Shepard grinned, allowing herself to be tugged into the clouds of steam.

“Damn. Are we in a krogan sauna or something?” Shepard waved the steam away to no avail. The light was low, diffuse, allowing no shadows.

James just laughed. Through the fog all Shepard could see was a fuzzy blob of James-coloured mass. Water splashed and his low voice told her to get her “damn kit off already.”

She grinned, pulled her clothes off and climbed into the bath, sucking in her breath. Covering her sensitive bits, she lowered herself into the too-hot water, conscious of her partner nearby. Finally seated, she allowed herself to relax, knocking her knees against James’.

“Hey Jimmy,” she sighed.

“Hey Lola.”

“Where’s Kaidan?” Shepard asked. She kinda hoped he’d give them some space, some time alone. But she knew the routine.

“He’ll be here,” James replied. “Gotta tell you guys about all the cool shit I did. Found some schematics you might like, too. Some shit about extending barrel length and firing optimisation.”

Shepard laughed. “You sure those were plans for a rifle?”

James laughed right back. Shepard’s stomach did a flip, her heart beating faster. It could’ve been the heat making her faint, but it could just have well have been the sound of James’ rich laugh. She’d missed it. Missed him.

Kaidan joined them a few minutes later, muttering apologies and squeezing himself into the bath. It was a tight fit with the three of them. None of them were tiny, especially not James. But they made it work even if it was more like punching mis-matched puzzle pieces into place rather than slotting them together nicely.

The bathtime debrief followed its established routine. Shepard found the questions and answers, the lathering and rinsing, to be stabilising. Reassuring.

Once they’d all turned into pink and wrinkly prunes and the water had cooled too low for even Shepard to enjoy, they all clambered out, drying themselves off, leaving the bathroom floor covered in puddles.

James pulled Shepard in, grabbing the knot on her towel. “Sleep with me, Lola?” His grin seemed to be fighting between lascivious and loving. Then again, with James there wasn’t much of a difference between the two.

“Of course,” Shepard kissed him lightly.

She barely noticed Kaidan’s quiet exit. He would know that they’d need their time alone.

Ensconced in James’ bedroom, they crawled under the covers, reacquainting each other with little touches to their favourite parts. James held a hand up to Shepard’s cheek. So tender. So unlike him.

“Hey, we’ll talk, okay? Just... not yet. Don’t wanna have a heavy conversation while I've got this thing begging for attention.”

Shepard slid her hand down James’ abdomen, lower still, gave his cock a squeeze. It was indeed asking for attention and Shepard was only too happy to oblige.

*

As the sweat cooled on their still bath-hot bodies, lying sated and sleepy, James pushed the corner of his pillow down so he could see Shepard properly.

“Okay. Let’s talk. You might not like what I have to say though.”

Shepard nodded, her stomach curling again. Now that she had James back and they were speaking, touching, she didn’t want to talk. Sleep tugged at her eyes, skin still tingling from her pleasure. She wanted to ignore all the crap that had happened, forget she ever mentioned the stupid rope idea. But she’d opened up this can of worms and James needed to talk. And she needed to listen. So she braced herself.

“Yeah, all right. I was--am--pissed at you. You’ve never shown anything but disgust, disinterest at best at what me and K have, and then you just come out and say ‘I wanna tie you up’--”

“I never said it like that,” Shepard interrupted. She went to continue but James cut her off.

“Okay. Fine. But out of no where you come out and express a positive interest? It’s not just something you can join in on, Lola. It’s--shit, I dunno. I can’t explain it.”

“Please, try. I want to understand.”

James sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Okay. Okay. Lemme think. Kaidan and I, we’ve created this space, you know? Not just physical. More than just fucking in his room. It’s a mental space, too. And we’re the only ones in it. We go in trusting each other. No, don’t interrupt,” he put a finger to Shepard’s lips as she went to protest. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I do. But our sex, it’s different. I can be up for it in no time. When you give me that look, or you slip a hand onto my leg when we’re out at dinner, I’m there. We can do it anywhere, any time. Be in any mood, almost. But with Kaidan, I--we both have to be in the right place at the right time.”

“What do you mean? I mean, how’s your sex different? Other than Kaidan handcuffing you, I mean. He’s just edging you, right? Pushing you. You do that to me. You _just_ did it.”

“Yeah, but--when you and mefuck, we freestyle it. Me and K, we’ve got rules. There’s a kinda script we follow. It’s like how when you and me spar, we agree to certain rules of engagement. No direct boob punches, nothing below the belt. No bruising the face the day before meetings, shit like that. We trust each other to stick to those rules. It’s no different with Kaidan. But while you and me usually end up in heap on the floor, riding high on the adrenaline, that’s where the difference ends. We’re equal. But with Kaidan, he has that upper hand. Sure, I can say the word and it ends immediately. But he’s gotta read me differently. He’s gotta know when I really want him to keep going or when I really have reached my limit. Us, we can just tap out.”

Put that way, Shepard could see what he was getting at. “But he doesn’t… _hurt_ you, does he?”

“No. But even if he did, what’s the matter? If we both want it... I mean, you and me, we both hurt each other when we spar. We want that pain. But we don’t get off on the pain itself, not really. It’s the whole package that turns _me_ on. Fuck, Lola. You’re gorgeous when you’re in your singlet and shorts. You’re all sweaty and gross, your hair’s all wild, your eyes are on fire. Makes me want to do things to you.” James grinned, almost bashful.

Shepard smiled too. Yeah, she really got it now. There weren’t many things sweeter than the taste of James’ blood on her lips as she pounded him into the floor. Kaidan coming was another, the way he flashed blue, completely losing himself to her.

“But you need to understand, when we close that door, when it’s just the two of us, then it’s like I can shut out everything else. Just concentrate on me and Kaidan. He doesn’t judge me. He questions me, but he’s supposed to do that. He looks after me.”

_I look after you, James_ , she thought.

James sighed, long and loud. Shepard shifted, stroking his arm. What he said made sense. She’d freaked him just by being interested. She hadn’t had the chance to explain that she didn’t want to join in, didn’t want to do what they did. Not exactly, anyway.

“Come on. Tell me. What do you want to do?” He asked, reading her mind. He didn’t sound all that enthusiastic. But maybe he was just tired. It’d been a long day for everyone.

“You sure?” She asked.

“Yeah. Go on. I’m not agreeing to anything just because I’m listening to you. But I can’t make a decision if I don’t know what’s actually going on in here,” he tapped her forehead with his finger, smiling softly.

Shepard closed her eyes, picturing James, then opened them again, looked at him lying next to her. “I wanna tie you up, bind you in rope. Not like how you and Kaidan do it, I don’t want to be part of that. I want to make our own thing, with the three of us. I don’t wanna hog tie you or anything. I want to make patterns on your skin, over your chest, up your arms, down your legs.” Shepard’s imagination ran wild, coming up with ideas that she hadn’t even thought of before.

She watched his face as she spoke, searching for a reaction, trying to read the frown, the movement of his eyes, the rhythm of his breath. He wasn’t shutting down. He was listening.

“And what happens once I’m wrapped in rope?”

Oh. She hadn’t actually thought that far. She didn’t want to do anything freaky to him. She still wanted her sex to be vanilla flavoured. “Uh, ride you into the mattress, I guess.”

James barked out a laugh before going quiet again. “Okay. Let me think about it. We’ll talk. The three of us. We’ll work something out.” He sighed. “I missed you, Shepard. I don’t like it when we fight. I prefer it when we flirt.”

Shepard smiled. “Yeah. Flirting’s much more fun.” She stroked his arm, feeling the muscle underneath. Then her expression hardened. “But you can’t just shut down like you did. I can’t fix things if I don’t know what’s wrong. And Kaidan was too much of a gentleman to tell me.”

James pulled her in, held her tight. “I know, Lola, I know. I’m sorry. But there’re some things not even you can fix.”

 


	9. Eight

Shepard and Kaidan sat across from each other on the couch, their bare feet touching, both engrossed in their own projects. Kaidan had his ‘tool up, typing away one handed. Shepard scrolled through the links on her datapad, flicking between the latest weapons specs from Kassa Fabrications, reading some porny romance story and researching rope and knots.

The only sound, Kaidan’s occasional ‘huh’ and ‘hmm’ as he worked. In such silence, Shepard should’ve heard James sneaking up on her.

“Turgid lengths? Lola, you wanna get some better reading material.” James teased, peering over Shepard’s shoulder.

Shepard jumped, her automatic reflex flicking from that incriminating page to the next in a pathetic attempt to hide what she’d already been caught looking at. Unfortunately, the page that came up was of a rather buff gentleman with a rather large cock, bound in a rather long piece of rope. James shook his head and Shepard flicked again, her heart racing from fright and embarrassment. Finally, something safe: a page of very small text detailing the advanced capabilities of Kassa’s newest scope attachments.

“Fucking hell James. When did you get so stealthy.” She placed a hand over her heart, willing it to calm down.

He just grinned and snuck over, shoved her feet out the way so he could sit down. Kaidan, still engrossed with his omnitool, just lifted his legs up, then placed his feet back on James’ lap. James took one of Shepard’s feet and started a firm massage.

“You got your heart set on this bondage thing, no?” He said. He sounded amused, but apprehensive too.

“It's not a...a bondage thing. It’s… it’s just… it’s not that.” Shepard stammered. What she wanted to do _wasn't_ bondage. She didn’t want control over James, she didn’t want him to submit to her--or Kaidan. She just wanted to wrap him up in rope. Normal. Nothing weird or kinky about that.

“Technically it is bondage,” Kaidan piped up, not looking up from ‘tool. “What you’re looking at doing is a variant on shibari--or kinbaku, depending on who you ask. Japanese bondage.”

Shepard opened and closed her mouth, unable to speak, too many objections trying to escape all at once.

“It’s okay, Shepard. Wanting to tie James up doesn’t make you a bad person and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to whip him or make him lick your shoes.” Kaidan explained. Then added, “Unless you want to. And _he_ wants to.”

“I don’t want to,” James muttered, digging his thumbs into the ball of Shepard’s foot.

“What does it mean then?” She asked, drawing her hands down her face.

Kaidan closed down his omnitool and set Shepard with a firm stare. “It means you want to do the ‘B’ in ‘BDSM’. That’s all.”

“But--”

Kaidan stopped her with a raised eyebrow. He spoke slowly and deliberately. “That’s. All.”

_Oh. That’s all._

While Shepard processed that thought, James worked his fingers over her toes, massaging each one.

“So, why do you want to tie me up? If the other letters don’t appeal, what is it?” James asked. He put her foot down and started work on the other.

Shepard floundered. “Because you’ll look good,” she offered. It sounded just as lame out loud as it did in her head.

James cocked his head, raised his eyebrow at her. “Come on, Lola. I always look good. What’s your real reason.”

She wiggled her toes, felt her face heat up. “I… It kinda turns me on. The idea of you wrapped up like that. Me wrapping you up,” she admitted.

James grinned, Kaidan chucked.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” James said. “Tell us more.”

Shepard summarised what she’d already told both James and Kaidan on their own. She explained what she wanted to do and what she _didn’t_ want to do. James laid out his requirements, the main one being that whatever they did, it had to be separate from what him and Kaidan did. That required a different mindset he didn’t want Shepard being a part of. She was all too happy to stay out of that.

Shepard agreed to everything, nodding the whole time. If he was actually going to agree to her fantasy, she’d do whatever she could to make him comfortable.

“Major. You’re too quiet over there. You’re in this too so what do you want from it?” James asked. He finished Shepard’s foot rub and moved onto Kaidan’s feet.

Kaidan looked up, blinking away his lost thoughts. He glanced from James to Shepard, spoke after considering his words. “It’s your show, Shepard. If you know what you’re doing, and you’re clear with James’ requirements, then... yeah.”

“You don’t sound convinced,” James said.

Kaidan sighed. “Tying someone up is a big responsibility. You have to look after them, check in on them, put their comfort and safety before your own interests and pleasure. That person trusts that you’ll look after them, even if what you’re doing is pretty tame. Ultimately you’re doing it because everyone involved wants it.”

Shepard bristled at the implication that she didn’t appreciate her position, that she just wanted to do this for the hell of it. She may have stumbled onto the idea and she might not have thought it through all that well at first. But wasn’t that why they were having this conversation? So everyone knew where they stood?

“I want to feel what you two feel.” She said, keeping her voice steady despite her frustration. “Or, something like it. You say you enter a zone, and it’s just you two and nothing else. I… we, when we’re together, I don’t want to be anywhere else. But. Maybe there’s more. I know I haven’t exactly gone about suggesting it all that well. But I think I understand. And this, this is something I really want to do. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about.”

Kaidan cocked his head, gazing back at her with those soulful brown eyes. He flicked his attention to James and Shepard caught a small nod, a silent conversation. When Kaidan looked back at her, he smiled softly.

“Okay. I’m in,” he said. Shepard felt like she’d just passed a test. But instead of feeling pissed at his earlier tone, she felt elated, like she’d just been admitted entry to an exclusive club. “But, I’ve got a few requirements of my own.”

Kaidan rattled off his requirements, all pertaining to setup, the before and the after, rather than the actual execution. He clarified a few things, added the requirement of a couple of safe words, something they could all use. Not that they thought they’d need them, but. Just in case. _Always with the details._ Shepard smiled to herself. _Always leaving a way out._

“So. When we gonna do this? Soon? Tomorrow?” James asked, once everyone had agreed to Kaidan’s requests.

Shepard shifted in the couch, rubbing the back of her neck. “Well, I haven’t exactly had a chance to practice. No rope.”

James gaped at her. “What the hell’ve you been doing then? No, I know. You’ve been reading bad romance books. Yeah, I’ve seen you.”

“We didn’t think there was much point buying rope until we’d got you on board,” Kaidan explained while Shepard blushed.

“Well, what’re we waiting for? You got the info on that pad, right Lola? We’ll order it now. We--K and I, sometimes we shop together--” A hand on his stopped his eager explanation.

“Yeah, we’ve done that too,” Kaidan said softly, smiling.

James turned to Shepard, wide eyed. “Whoa, Lola! Getting your kink on, huh?”

Shepard went pink. “I’d hardly call what we got kinky. But… it was a good start.”

James and Kaidan grinned at her, Shepard feeling self conscious at the attention.

She grabbed the pad, flicked to the page with the rope. Shepard pointed out the two ropes she wanted. Turned out they had a sale so she went nuts and bought four coils. Once the transaction went through, she put the pad down, butterflies flying around her stomach. _We’re gonna do it. Really gonna do it_. The three grinned, staring at each other like giddy teenagers.

“Oh, shit. One last thing,” James said, breaking the doe eyed stares. “Uh, no offensive Shepard, but if I need cutting out, Major’s doing it. I’ve seen what you can do with an omniblade.”

“Hey,” Shepard protested in mock offence.

 


	10. Nine

The three of them met in the mail room four long days later. The same officer sat at the desk, eyeing the trio suspiciously as they signed off on the box in front of them.

“More cookies from home,” Kaidan explained. “James missed out on the last lot.”

Back home and all piled onto Kaidan’s bed, the guys watched as Shepard opened the box and eased the rope out from all its packaging. It lay heavy in her hands. She ran her thumb over the fibers, revelling in the cool, satin finish. She sucked in a breath and heat pooled low in her. She handed one to James. He ran his hands over it too, frowning slightly, like he wasn’t so sure any more, but it only lasted a second. Kaidan reached in and rubbed a piece between his thumb and forefinger, humming in satisfaction.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m kinda turned on.” Shepard said.

Kaidan set the rope to one side and before long, they’d divested themselves of their clothes, rope forgotten for the bodies in front of them.

*

Practice was not going well. While James was content to stay out the way, Kaidan was keen to observe. And occasionally stick his hand in. Shepard didn’t want him around, felt his presence obtrusive. She couldn’t get even the basic stuff right and frankly, she was embarrassed to be seen like this. The triumph she felt for managing even the most simple knot without having to resort to the pad she kept near by had her calling him in to see.

“That’s great Shepard,” he said. “That chair’s not going anywhere.”

Shepard gave him a friendly punch as they stood there admiring her work. She’d made a knot like handcuffs, winding the rope between two chair legs and tugging the ends tight. It looked great.

“You want to try it on me?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard looked over at him, frowning. “Really? You want me to tie your hands together.”

Kaidan smiled at her, so disarming.“Yeah. I mean, you gotta practice on a human, too right? Get the distances and comfort correct.”

He had a point. And it wasn’t like they were going to take it further. Just practice.

She nodded, grabbed another length of rope, fumbled it in half. Kaidan stood there patiently while she held the length up to him, frowning. _Shit, what’s the first thing?_ She groaned, flustered, mind completely blank. This wasn’t like her. Shepard, _Captain_ Shepard, knew what she was doing. This, this was...

“Where do you want me?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard look up at him. He had a soft smile on his face, eyes open and welcoming. Instant calm.

“Um. Here. Like this.” She directed him in front of her, held his hands out, not too far apart. Then she measured the rope out. She set to work, concentrating on winding the rope up and over, up and over, through the gap, round and round. But she could feel his eyes on her.

“Kaidan. Don’t look at me.”

He chuckled. “Yes ma’am.”

“Hey, none of that ma’am crap.”

“Okay, Berry. Sorry.” He said it lightly, aware of her nerves.

This was different from the chair. Despite holding himself steady, Kaidan still moved around. And his wrists were thicker than the chair legs, and closer together.

“Okay. I gotta tug it now. It’ll go tight and you won’t be able to get out. Like handcuffs, okay?”

“I trust you, Shepard.”

She blushed at his words. Even though this was just practice, and they were still clothed and not even remotely turned on, he trusted her. Not to hurt him. Not to leave him trapped. To look after him.

Before she could let herself get distracted by how those words affected her, she yanked both ends of the rope and the coils tightened as Kaidan’s wrists held steady. “Just gotta tie it off… and done.” She grinned, stepping back.

Kaidan gave an experimental tug. He couldn’t pull his hands away or bring them closer together. Shepard ran through a few checks, just for her peace of mind, asking if it wasn’t too tight, that it was comfortable. Once Kaidan had assured her that everything was fine, she grabbed the rope bridge separating them and shook it. The knot stayed strong and Kaidan stayed bound.

“It’s pretty effective,” he said, bringing his wrists up to eye level to examine her work. When his curiosity had been satisfied, she brought his arms back down and carefully undid the knot, loosening it and letting the rope coil onto the floor. Once free, he shook his hands, bent down and retrieved the rope.

“Let me see,” Shepard grabbed Kaidan’s wrist, drew it near. The rope had only been there for a minute, not long enough to leave a mark. It was one thing she was looking forward to: the indentations left of the skin by the twists in the fibres. Slightly disappointed, she rubbed his wrist anyway, brought it up to her lips, kissing the soft inside. Then she kissed the other.

“You’re doing great, Shepard,” Kaidan grinned, handing her the rope. “What fancy trick’s next?

Shepard waxed lyrical while she coiled the rope up, freed the chair, and coiled that rope too. Enthused by his encouragement, she explained how she’d try a simple chest harness. Once she had that down, and a few others, she could start trying to make her more complicated design.

“Well, you know where to find me when you need a guinea pig.” Kaidan kissed her.

*

She didn’t need to take up Kaidan’s offer of knot tester. Through completely legitimate means, she managed to acquire a decommissioned mech. Through not so legitimate means, she smuggled it into the house. She hid it in Kaidan’s room, throwing a blanket over it while she wasn’t practicing.

It took time but the knots got easier, the process becoming second nature. Before long, she’d mastered the method and started developed her own design, the one she’d wanted to put on James since the start.

Once she had the basics down, she called in Kaidan for help. He listened to her instructions, acting as a second pair of hands for one crucial part. But once that was done, he had to leave.

“Go. You’re done. Want the final thing to be a surprise for you, too.” She kissed him, swatting his ass as he left.

Finally, one evening as the guys hung out in the kitchen making a hell of a racket, Shepard stepped back, admiring the mech before her. She had the moves down pat. She could tie that thing up in her sleep. She grinned, picturing James as the one in front of her.

Time for the real thing.


	11. Ten

Shepard made the finishing touches to Kaidan’s bed and stood back, surveying the room. The rope lay in four neat coils at the foot of the bed. She didn’t think she’d be using all of it, but she laid it out just in case. It looked impressive, anyway, the stark black fibre against the crisp white cover. On one bedside table: a jug of water and three glasses, a box of tissues, condoms and lube. On the other bedside table, a bowl of water kept warm from a heating pad underneath and a cloth soaking. She didn’t see why they couldn’t just use the tissues, or pile into the shower afterwards, but Kaidan had suggested it with a little nod to James and she wasn’t about to deny a such a simple request.

She crossed her arms and hmmed. She’d dimmed the window to black but now considered setting a space scene to fill it. Sunrise as seen from the Systems Alliance Space Station orbiting Earth? Or just the calm of the Milky Way? She cycled through some options, unhappy with all of them, returning again to plain black. No one would be looking at the window, anyway.

Now the light wasn’t right. She flicked on the bedside light and turned off the main light. Much better. The lamp cast a soft yellow over the bed, catching the satiny flecks in the ropes’ fibres.

The last thing she needed was music. Or sound. Just something in the background. She wouldn’t normally have anything playing but Kaidan suggested they have something in the background just to quell the nerves, give the brain something to listen to instead of fretting. Rain? No, too staccato. Frogs croaking? No, too… organic. Hanar synth. That was calming. She had a three hour track on her ‘tool here somewhere... Damn, this was too hard. She chewed her thumb as she looked at the options on her ‘tool. Dropping her arm, she’d let James choose. He was always better with music. No, she had to do it. It was part of her remit.

She turned the heating up a couple of clicks, just to keep things cozy.

With everything now ready, all she had to do was wait. She flopped in the chair in the corner of the room, on top of the clothes piled on it, not dirty enough to wash but not clean enough to put away. She wondered if she should get naked already or if that would be rude. Maybe getting naked together was part of the fun. She thumbed the hem of her tee, slipped her hand under and splayed it over her belly. Heat pooled down low and she squirmed in anticipation, glad that her body was finally reacting. She’d been put off by the sheer amount of planning that had gone into this. She didn’t normally schedule sex. It just happened. Sure, she knew that the day James came back from a mission, the two of them would be locked up in his room for hours just reacquainting themselves. And some days she’d send Kaidan filthy messages while he was teaching, saying what she wanted to do to him when he got home. But none of that was _planned_ like this. Not with all the items laid out and an agenda agreed upon. It was like they’d ratified an interspecies treaty, the amount of negotiations that had gone on.

Still, it’d clearly been important for Kaidan that everyone knew what was expected of the others. Maybe it was a thing that carried over from what him and James did. Maybe he just didn’t want any unfortunate surprises. Either way, the mechanical nature of the planning had left her worried she wouldn’t be able to get turned on. But now, looking at the bed, at the rope laid out… Her fingers dipped below her waistband and she could feel that arousal would not be a problem.

The door slid open and snapped Shepard out of her revery. In walked Kaidan wrapped only in a towel, his hair combed back and damp. Body toned, chest just ripe for running fingers through the wiry hair. He glanced around the room, eyes settling on Shepard.

“Hey, Berry. Looks great.” He closed the distance, giving her a soft kiss. “James is on his way. He’s just trimming his beard. That… wasn’t a euphemism.”

Shepard laughed, feeling a little giddy now that things were falling into place. Kaidan smiled back, closing his hand around hers as she went for the knot on his towel.

“Lola, shit. Like what you’ve done with the place,” James strode in, also wrapped in a towel. Her heart skipped a beat as she took in the sight of him. He had that towel slung low on his hips, knowing he’d done it deliberately, just to show off. How the knot hadn’t slipped, she had no idea. His skin looked golden in the soft light. He wore a lopsided smirk and she could tell, even from this distance that he had, infact, trimmed the beard that lined his jaw.

He sidled up to Kaidan, slipping an arm around him, kissing him, then bent down to kiss Shepard. He teased her with his tongue. Both men tasted like toothpaste and she had this sudden thought that she should go and brush her teeth too. But it was too late for that now. James pulled her to feet, stripping her tee off, humming appreciatively at her lack of bra.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” he murmured, dropping his towel and stepping back, holding his hands out so she could fully appreciate the fine specimen of manhood before her.

Not to be outdone, Kaidan unwrapped his towel with a hint of modesty before dropping it in the wash basket and sidling up to James. He ran one hand up James’ chest, the other up his back, standing on tip toes to take his earlobe between his teeth. James groaned, a sound that hit Shepard low.

Finally, after so long, now was her chance to tie James up just how she’d pictured.

She divested herself of her sweatpants and joined the others at the foot of the bed, reaching in for a quick grope of each, then grabbed the thinnest and shortest length of rope.

“Shit. That’s a lot of rope,” James said, like he was seeing it for the first time. Maybe it hadn’t really registered when he walked in. “Yeah, I’m good.” He said, preempting Shepard’s question.

The four leaf clover was first. It had to be tied separately. It’d get connected later, as Shepard wound the longer, thicker length of rope around James.

“Hold your hand out,” she said.

James did as he was told and the two men watched as she lay the rope out on his palm. With practiced ease and the use of his middle finger to anchor the top loop in place, she knotted the rope. Four squares in the centre making up a diamond, with four loops at compass points making up the ‘leaves’.

She held the finished piece up against James’ arm, comparing it to the real thing.

“Shit. I have no idea how you did that and I watched you the whole time.” James grinned.

She passed it to Kaidan, asked him to hold it in place. They’d practiced this on the mech. She could hold it in place herself, and then loop the rope end through the top leaf, but it was tricky and stressful and she wanted this to go right, not look like a quivering mess, which was what threatened to happen now that she saw the good luck charm centered just below his pecs. It would be easier if she had Kaidan hold it steady.

With a stilted, mechanical maneuver, she grabbed the longest length of rope, concentrating on letting it uncoil on the floor without getting tangled.

“Breathe, Berry,” Kaidan whispered, rubbing her back. She returned his smile and noticed the way his grin turned into a smirk as his hand trailed lower to cup her ass.

“Take your time, Lola. We’ve gotcha.” James smoothed her brow with his thumb.

The confidence these two had in her never failed to amaze her. Sure, they’d looked to her for orders, for guidance during the war--two wars for Kaidan. They trusted her not to get them killed, not to get herself killed. And they’d had her back through the worst of it, keeping her sane each in their own ways. And now they trusted her with twenty meters of rope and one naked James.

She directed James’ hands behind his head so his arms would stay out the way. The mech she'd practiced on didn’t have arms, she realised. Funny that. She made her first move, slipping the rope, folded in half, through the left leaf loop, then the top loop, under James’ left armpit, around the back, under his right armpit, back through the top leaf hole and then the right leaf hole. As she worked, securing the clover in place, the nervous energy drained away. She concentrated on the task, mildly aware of Kaidan’s presence beside her, his gentle fingers on the small of her back grounding her; the kisses he’d reach up and plant on James’s cheek.

She reached that meditative stage, like she’d found when she had been practicing the last few times, knowing the road she travelled so well. But here was something new, something different about all of them that none of them had known. It was a new path, but so familiar.

“Is this okay?” She’d ask every now and then, voice breaking the soft stringed music she’d eventually settled for.

“Yeah, it's good,” James would reply.

“Not too tight? Not rubbing?”

“Nothing I can’t handle, Lola.” And he’d smile back and she’d remember they were all naked a thrill would shoot down her spine.

Despite standing solid like a statue, James still moved as she tugged a rope end through a lattice, or pulled a loop tight. Unlike a statue, his skin was soft and warm. He jerked under her a couple of times, sucking in a sharp breath as she inadvertently pinched his skin. She’d mumble an apology and rub the spot down or Kaidan would dip in and plant a kiss.

The rope ends slowly got shorter and shorter. As she made another pass around his back, she smiled. Though the detail was on his torso, his back was laced in rope too. The thing that made her smile stared right back at her: the N7 lettering sat framed in rope running at the same angle as the black lines of ink marking either side. She’d not planned it to turn out quite like that, unsure if, when doing the real thing, the rope would cooperate with his body that way. But it had. She returned to the front, nudged James around so Kaidan could see. He grinned right back, knowing how much that tattoo meant to James, how hard he’d worked to make it happen.

“Why didn’t we think of this earlier?” he whispered in her ear, nuzzling her neck.

“Because I’m an idiot,” she replied.

“Hey, no. C'mere.” He pulled her into a hug, pulling her off balance, making her let go of the rope. He kissed her deeply, bodies pressed together, and for just a moment she forgot all about James standing just next to them.

“Hey, you guys starting without me?” James asked, turning around and catching the two in their hot embrace.

Shepard pulled back, retrieving the rope ends from where they dangled by James’ hips. She reached up and kissed him, forcing him to bend down to reach her lips.

The move loosened the last few windings she’d done. She pushed him back.

“I’m nearly done, okay? Then you can have all the kisses you want. Do you like it so far?”

“Haven’t looked yet,” he smirked.

He was right. Everytime Shepard had looked up to see where he was looking, she’d met his eyes. His attention never wavered from her face.

She held the remaining rope in her hands, psyching herself up for the last pass. She wasn’t sure how’d he’d take it, but she did have a contingency plan if he didn’t want to do it.

She showed him the rope. “These two have gotta go between your legs, okay? I’ll try not to pull them too tight. They’ll sit over your ass, rather than… slipping in. Hopefully.”

He just flashed her that disarming grin. “I’m up for it Lola, whatever you’ve got.”

She marveled at his easy disposition, how he’d been the exact opposite just a few weeks ago.

As she went to slip the first end along his groin, she couldn’t help but notice his mostly-hard cock greeting her. “You weren’t kidding about being up for it,” she said.

“What can I say? You do things to me,” James replied.

She glanced at Kaidan, raised her eyebrows at his semi. “You too?”

He chuckled. “What he said,” he replied, bashful.

She shook her head, amused, and returned to work. With the rope looped between his leg and secured at the back with a simple tie-off knot, she returned to the front and repeated the move with the other end.

This was it. Done...almost. She ran her hands over the rope carefully, adjusting it on the back, getting the knots to sit as flat as she could. Then she returned to the front, deft fingers working over the lattice, nudging rope up and down, getting them to sit square. Finally, she stepped back, hands on her hips, satisfied.

Kaidan joined her, wrapping an arm around her waist, appreciating the view as well.

“Wow Shepard. Thats… that’s amazing.” He breathed, squeezing her.

“Holy fuck. This is incredible,” James said, annunciating each syllable. “Shepard, shit. I didn’t think it would look this… awesome. And it feels… ah shit, it feels real good. Real good.”

Shepard laughed, taken aback by the enthusiasm from both men. James put him arms down, rested them on his hips, just below a twist of rope. Looking at it from this distance, finally seeing the whole, she had to agree with them. James looked amazing, incredible, awesome. The intricate four leaf clover sat centre stage, just below his pecs. Thicker rope framed it in a solid diamond, then worked out, the wide point of the diamond points sitting just on his flank in line with the left and right leaves of the clover. The diamond point wove up, ending in a V at the centre of his collar bone before disappearing over his shoulders. Below the clover, the pattern repeated, the weave leading down to another V just below his navel. A series of lengths lead around to his back, keeping the diamond in place.

“All done with one piece of rope, no? Shit, you should start making baskets in your retirement.”

“You calling me old, James?” She laughed. “And it’s two ropes, remember?”

“Yeah yeah, but this weaving? It’s crazy! It’s like some shit you’d see on an old sea ship.”

“Glad you like it.” Shepard couldn’t be any more proud. Or herself, of James, of Kaidan. Kaidan had encouraged her while James had sat on the fence. And now look how it had paid off.

“What do we do now?” James asked. He seemed content to just stare at himself for the rest of the evening. But Kaidan cleared his throat. All eyes snapped to him.

“I don’t know about you two, but I think we need to push you onto the bed and let us explore the fine work in more… _detail_.”

Shepard grinned, liking Kaidan’s tone. James swallowed hard, reacting differently to Kaidan’s shark-like grin.

But he assented, let the two of them walk him back till his legs hit the bed. Shepard shifted the other two coils of rope out the way and James shuffled back on his elbows and feet. She could see the rope shift and drag against his skin, but he wasn’t complaining.

Kaidan pushed him down with a firm hand on his chest and he landed with a whump.

He knelt over James’ waist and set to him, running his hands over the rope, fingertips dipping in to touch against skin, bending down to run his tongue up his flank. James writhed beneath him and Shepard crawled up his side, planting kisses the the whole way, following Kaidan’s trail.

“God damn you two,” he moaned.

Shepard and Kaidan explored the body beneath them, slowly shifting their attention to each other. James seemed content to sit back and watch as they kissed each other. Soon enough James ran one hand along Kaidan’s thigh, the other up Shepard’s back and dragged them back down. Kaidan shuffled out the way and Shepard took his place straddled over James’ torso.

She gazed down into those hazel eyes, tracing the scar over his cheek, wondering how she’d got so lucky to share her life with these two men.

James linked his hands behind his head, flexing his biceps and grinning that smug grin that said, “yeah, I know you like the show.”

Shepard indulged him because, damn, he _did_ look fine. She leant down and kissed him, squeezing those biceps, shifting to hold his wrists down as he went to wrap his arms around her. He smiled into the kiss, relaxing under her hold.

“Lola. You got more rope?” he asked. She nodded. “Can you keep my arms here? Like this?”

Yeah, she could do that. But...

“You sure, James?” Kaidan asked, getting in before Shepard could reply herself. There was something about the edge in his voice that threw Shepard off. She glanced between the two, trying to read what wasn’t being said aloud.

“Yeah, I’m sure. You’ll just have to be my hands, okay, K?” He winked at Shepard and she took her cue to grab another two coils of rope.

She knelt her way back up the length of James’ body, edging her legs wider as she shuffled up his torso. As she worked, nudging James’ arm into position, looping the rope between his wrist and his shoulder, he craned his neck, managing to get his tongue to her nipple.

“James,” she warned. There wasn’t much heat to her warning though, and she leaned in further, pausing in her work as he sucked the nipple into his mouth. Concentrating on the knots became a struggle, her brain freezing, distracted by his kissing. But she didn’t want him to stop, either. Fumbling over the last knot, she pulled back and James let go of her breast with a pop.

He gave his bound arm an experimental wiggle. He grinned and Kaidan ran his palm over James’ hand and rope, up his forearm, around the sharp angle of his elbow and over the bulge of his bicep.

“Do the other,” James said, lifting his chin to Shepard.

Shepard bit back a comment, knowing now was not the time to question just how enthusiastic he was about losing the use of his arms. She leant forward as before, but was ready for him this time. Just as he was about to latch on to her nipple, she pulled back.

“Nuh uh, not yet,” she waggled the rope at him.

Beside her, Kaidan chuckled, low. “You learn quick.”

James lay his head back down, promised to behave, though his lopsided smile told Shepard not to put much faith in that promise. But behave he did. She had the second arm tied off quickly and as she sat back, she congratulated herself on just how fine a job she’d done given the distractions.

“Damn you look good,” she breathed.

“Uh huh, damn right I look good.”

As James shifted both arms, assessing his limitations, the rope on his chest pulled and shifted, the muscle underneath flexing. His biceps rippled, the light from the bedside table bouncing off the hard muscle, sending the valleys of his shoulder and clavicle into shadow. Shepard groaned as something rubbed against her clit. Glancing down, she saw she was sat over the four knots in the centre of his torso. She gave a small thrust, breath catching as the knots brushed against her again. James must have figured out what was happening, telling Kaidan to get up behind her and touch her. Kaidan did as he was told, pressing his chest against her back, his scratchy beard and soft lips on her shoulder, her neck as he kissed. His hands ran up from her thighs, up her abdomen and cupped her breasts. She moaned, arching her back as she held her arms behind her, fingers gripping the back of his neck. James lifted his hips under her. The angle wasn’t quite right but he got the leverage he needed to make those knots stroke her again.

Shepard groaned helplessly as Kaidan and James took her apart between them. They worked so damn well together. Better than they’d ever worked in the field, better than when they’d all started sleeping together, too. _Practice makes perfect._ Certainly, James had no problem telling Kaidan what to do, where to put his hands. Shepard couldn’t concentrate on what that meant, but the thought did flash through her mind that he seemed much more comfortable saying what he wanted and how he wanted it with Kaidan around than he did when it was just him and Shepard. Was it that he had his own command now and had to give orders, and that filtered through to other aspects of his life? Or was it something he’d developed with Kaidan?

Before long they had her thighs shaking as her orgasm tore through her. Her legs rubbed against the ropes wrapped around James’ flank, adding to the sensation on her inner thighs. Kaidan held her through it, taking her weight. As she sighed into his arms, that deep satisfaction settled heavy in her bones. But she knew there was more to come and she couldn’t rest easy just yet. She let Kaidan help her off James, seeing the look of pure hunger that passed between the two men as she sat back.

James had stared back at her with that same look just moments ago. Watching Kaidan now, she saw how his skin shone with sweat, the slight parting of his lips, the slight furrow of his brow. Any minute now and his corona would flash, letting her know he was close.

She reached out, not wanting to miss out on being part of his release. He was knelt over James’ waist, not in him, but clearly wanting to be. But he looked too close to make the necessary preparations. Instead, Shepard slid around behind him, reversing their position from just before. She nudged his legs wider, pushed him forward, allowing James’ cock to slip in between his ass cheeks. Kaidan’s breath hitched, the only outward sign he gave of how much he was enjoying himself.

Just as before, the one below and the one behind worked together to take the one in the middle apart.

Shepard grinned, feeling Kaidan’s body tighten, the tingle of his corona about to flare. Then it was there, his body taking on a blue hue, his sweat dappled skin refracting like millions of tiny diamonds.

She held him in her arms as he came in her hand, mindful of the rope.

“Holy fuck, Kaid!” James burst out, writhing beneath them. “What the fuck was that?”

Shepard peered over Kaidan’s shoulder at James. He lay there, chest heaving, stunned, eyes wide. What was he reacting to? The biotics? He’d seen that display before, surely. Then she saw his torso, white globs staining the rope, drips from his cock and Kaidan’s hand wrapped around the base. He’d come at the same time as Kaidan, only without the ability (or manners, even if he had the ability) to contain it.

“Sorry, I don’t usually--that doesn’t--” Kaidan tried to crawl off but James twisted, getting him to stay where he was without holding him in place. Shepard reached over and grabbed the tissues, stuffing one in Kaidan’s hand then wiping her own.

She stared between the two, massaging the base of Kaidan’s neck with one hand, James’ calf with the other, bringing them down.

“Don’t get me wrong, it felt amazing, but it came a shock, you know? Normally you give a little warning but that was...” He let out a long sigh, his muscles relaxing as the shock drained away.

Kaidan hadn’t relaxed though. Shepard could feel the tightness in his neck, the bunching of his muscles under her touch. “Kaidan,” she whispered, “you doing okay? You gonna come down?” His corona still fizzled around him, reflecting the tension still in his body.

He nodded, gripped her hand as it lay over his chest, over his heart. The intensity of the grip had her frowning but she let him hold on until he finally relaxed and his corona flickered away. She carefully helped him off, letting him slump against the bedhead. He accepted the glass of water she held out for him, told him she’d be right back.

Turning her attention to James, she looked him over. He seemed to have recovered from the shock of his orgasm, his breathing not far off normal. She felt him watch as she untied the ropes holding his arms together, heard the wince as the right became free, then the left. After flexing his arms and cracking his knuckles, she took his hands in hers, kissing his wrists, one after the other, rubbing where the rope had marked him. The patterns of the fibers indented his skin and she thrilled with the anticipation of what his chest would look like. But she had Kaidan to attend to first. He sat back with his eyes closed and a frown marring his brow. James and Shepard shared a concerned look and shuffled over, taking a spot on either side of Kaidan.

“That’s some impressive shit, man,” James said, nudging Kaidan’s shoulder.

Shepard frowned. Kaidan flared like that just about every time he came. How could James have only just noticed now? Unless… Shepard’s mind went into overdrive, trying to replay every instance the three of them had been together. Maybe she just hadn’t thought about it before, not realised.

“Sorry. I don’t… I don’t usually lose it like that. But you looked so… I couldn’t help it...” he trailed off, eyes still closed.

_He only flares with me_. The realisation hit her hard.

“Hey, don’t apologise. That was intense. You’ve been holding out on me all this time.”

Shepard and Kaidan both winced at James’ words. It wasn’t his fault though. How could he know? Turned out they all had their secrets. James didn’t seem to pick up on the tension in the air. That was probably just as well. Maybe she’d talk to him later. But right now, they all needed to return to earth. And that meant undoing that rope lattice that graced James’ torso.

“Hey, Kaidan. Help me out here. We gotta let James go.” Shepard stood up, grabbing both their hands and dragging them to their feet. “You remember how I did it? You undo it.” She loosened the tie-off knots, handed one end to Kaidan. With something like this to concentrate on, she hoped his mind wouldn’t wander off the deep end.

The end was the opposite of the start. Shepard stood back, her eyes on Kaidan as he loosened the knots, unwinding them, let the rope slip to the floor. She watched James stare at Kaidan just as intently as he had with her while he was being bound. He stood solid, letting Kaidan concentrate, not trying to shake free. Shepard felt herself heat up again as each crisscross slipped away to reveal its mark on James’ skin. Some were deeper than others, more red. A few on his flank looked like they’d rubbed raw. She frowned, making a mental note to rub him down carefully afterwards.

The leaf came free and Shepard took it. As she went to untie it, James’ hand closed over hers.

“No, keep it,” he said.

She smiled, setting it aside while she coiled up the rope, watching in satisfied silence as Kaidan ran his index finger over the lines, mesmerised. The meditative nature of the task had done the trick, centering his attention on the body in front of him. James twitched under his touch, watching passively as Kaidan explored.

“You feeling okay, James?” She asked, setting the rope aside and joining Kaidan’s exploration.

“Yeah, Lola. I feel great.” He smiled softly down at her, dipping his head for a kiss. A twitch had him jerking up from her lips. “Bit harder with the stroking there, amor, you’re tickling me,” he chided.

Kaidan looked up with a devilish grin on his face, deliberately drawing his finger softly across a line just above James’ navel. James twisted away, dove for the bed, seeking the safety of the blankets.

“You bastard. I’m gonna smear your pillow on me for that,” James laughed, holding the pillow up as a threat.

“Hey now, gentlemen. Let’s keep things civil.” Shepard warned.

Shepard took Kaidan’s hand, dragged him back to the bed, exhaustion finally settling over them.

Kaidan kissed James deeply, his hand pressed low where James’ come had landed. “Lie down. Let me clean you up properly,” he said softly.

James smiled back, did as he was told. But as Kaidan squeezed the cloth out, James put him arm out, halting him. “Shepard. You do it.”

Shepard took the cloth. Kaidan directed her, starting with James’ face, his brow, cheeks, lips, the creases of his nose, along his jaw, down his neck. Along his clavicle, chest. Lower still. She rinsed the cloth a few times, letting the rivulets fall down his flank, chasing them with the cloth, revelling in the soft sighs coming from him. It calmed her, just like tying the knots. She checked his skin as she went, content that the angry red welts had faded back into the dark tan of his skin. She wiped up one thigh and then the other, finishing off by delicately sponging his soft cock.

By the time she was done they were all half asleep and the lines crisscrossing James had faded to almost nothing.

Debrief could wait. Now it was time to sleep.

 


	12. Eleven

Shepard woke to a hairy, fluffy mess pressed up against her chest and tickling her nose. Kaidan. The man did not do mornings. She groped behind her, surprised to just find warm sheets. James _was_ a morning person. But she’d figured that after last night, he might just indulge in a sleep in.

Ah, but he returned bearing coffee. Three mugs.

She smiled up at him, extricating herself from Kaidan’s grip. “I don't wanna be the one to wake the bear,” she murmured.

James clambered back into bed, leant against the headboard. “Me neither. He’ll just have to drink this cold.” He passed Shepard a mug and took his own.

“Put it on that,” she nodded to the pad that the water bowl had sat on.

“You know, Lola, there’s a reason why you’re the brains of this operation.” He moved things around, sat the mug on the pad.

They sat quiet for a while, just sipping their coffees and taking their time waking up.

“So the Major glows blue in bed, no?” James said, breaking the silence.

Shepard glanced down at said Major. She hesitated, unsure of how to reply.

James took advantage of her hesitation and forged ahead. “It’s a self-control thing, right? He doesn’t lose it easy. You weren’t surprised. He can let go around you.” The ‘but not around me’ hung in the air.

“James, it’s… it’s not that he doesn’t… We… we’re all different.”

“It’s okay. I get it. What you can give him is different from what I can give him. Just like you. You can’t give me what he can. It’s fine. Fuck if it didn’t feel good though. Shit. The orgasms you must have.”

“James…” she warned. “It’s not a competition.”

He waved her objection away. “I know, I know. I’m just playing.” James leant forward to look at Kaidan. “Fucker’s gonna be out for hours. C’mon. Let’s get breakfast.”

*

Kaidan stumbled through to the kitchen eventually, clutching his coffee mug to his chest like it was his beloved pistol. His choice of armour left a lot to be desired. A tee of James’, inside out _and_ back to front. And those were Shepard’s N7 sweatpants he’d managed to pull over his hips.

“Morning Major!” James chirped, too loud.

Kaidan just scowled, slumped in a chair and poked at the pancakes Shepard slid under his nose.

“And here I was thinking I’d be the one doing the zombie impression.” James slid into the seat next to him.

“James, I…” Kaidan didn’t finish his sentence. He just raised his hand, let a little blue flicker fizzle over his fingertips.

Shepard sighed. That man could hold onto guilt even worse than James. And that was saying something.

“Hey, K. I get it. We’re fine, okay? Eat your damn pancakes. I’m not keeping them warm for you.”

Kaidan managed a smile and James ducked in, getting a kiss away before Kaidan tucked into breakfast.

*

Life returned to normal for the Alenko-Shepard-Vega household. As normal as it could be, anyway.

James dipped in and out on missions. Shepard even got the chance to don her armour and knock some heads together the old fashioned way. One of Kaidan’s spec ops kids got the Star of Terra. Shepard stood by Kaidan at the ceremony, backs straight, salutes crisp. She hadn’t seen him so proud in a long time.

The three of them came together in their usual frenzy, followed by sleepy mornings. During a few calm nights, the rope came out. Once, James had asked for her to tie his arms behind his back, leave him on his knees. But she’d balked at that, couldn’t do it. They compromised, him keeping his hands clasped at the small of his back, her wrapping the rope down to his elbows but no more. Since he’d kept his hands out of the action himself she may as well have tied them up as well.

Shepard had caught Kaidan looking longingly at her as she coiled the rope up one evening. It’d wrapped itself around her wrist as she ran it through her hands, wringing out the kinks. She’d seen that look before, knew what it meant. But she couldn’t let him. Not even if he did it like James’ work. He understood.

Kaidan didn’t flare again. But the first time him and Shepard had slept together after that first foray, he flared wild, strong. The sheer force of it had scared him, and Shepard. But she held him through it, despite her fright, knowing he needed to let it go. He slept like the dead that night, too.

Throughout every encounter, whether it was the three of them with or without the rope, whether it was just her and Kaidan, or her and James, she felt the connection between them deepen. And it lasted longer, too. For the next day, she wandered around in a haze of pleasure, the afterglow lingering long after the fun had ended.

And while James’ enthusiasm for being tied up still make her uneasy, it didn’t repulse her. Kaidan’s flaring, or not, provided the understanding she’d been seeking. He only flared around her because she was the only one he could lose that tightly held ontrol around. She was the only one he felt safe enough to just let go, be free, be himself. It’s not that he didn’t trust James, more that James couldn’t give him that release. The thing they had was different from what he had with Shepard. And that was fine.

James couldn’t give up his freedom around Shepard the way he could around Kaidan. It was Kaidan who was patient enough, willing enough to push James the way he needed to be pushed. Shepard couldn’t give him that, but it didn’t matter. What they had together wasn’t invalidated. It was just different.

And when they all came together? Whether it was a frenzy of kisses and hands and arms and legs, or controlled and calm with rope holding it all together, that was something they could all give each other. Something that worked for all of them.

She understood. And in the process, learned a thing or two about herself, and her men.


	13. Epilogue

The end of a long day threatened to hit Shepard with exhaustion, but she wasn’t ready for sleep just yet. All the guests had finally left, the _Normandy_ shaped chocolate cake just a pile of crumbs on its plate with an indeterminate number of candles (plus or minus two) littering the table. Shepard’s birthday party had been a wild success, a number of old faces coming from far and wide to join in the celebration. Some she hadn’t seen for years, like Wrex and Grunt. Some she saw more often, like Liara, Garrus and Tali. And one she saw just about every week: Steve.

But now, with the three of them in the still of Kaidan’s bedroom she was able to take stock of those around her, the two men that meant the most to her in the galaxy, the two men that had taught her more than she’d ever thought possible. It’d been a few months since the three of them had had a chance to get together like this. Missions kept getting in the way, exhaustion and meetings playing their part to prevent it too.

She just wanted something simple tonight, just the three of them together, just skin on skin.

“Hey, Berry. We have an idea. A… birthday idea. From both of us.” Kaidan said.

Shepard tugged her shirt off over her head and turned. He held up a long length of royal blue ribbon. She recognised it as the one that had come off a ridiculously large box, as big as James, a present from Joker. Turned out it contained boxes within boxes, the final gift wrapped in a tiny box: a single Belgian chocolate. Some joke. But at least the chocolate had been good.

She eyed Kaidan suspiciously. Then she glanced at James when she caught the quick flick of the eye between the two men. James had a curl of a smile on his lips. Shepard didn’t like this. Something was up.

Her attention returned to Kaidan. He’d rested his fingers on her forearm, warm, safe. His face open, eyes soft. He held up the ribbon. She understood his idea, he didn’t need to explain it. She hesitated a moment, glancing to James before giving a short nod. She could always say the word.

She sat down at the of the bed, catching her balance when the bed dipped and James joined on her right. His large hand ran up her thigh, caressing. Kaidan knelt in front. Shepard widening her legs so he could shuffle in close. With those gentle hands, Kaidan directed Shepard’s right arm to where he wanted: outstretched, bent at the elbow. He worked in silence, concentrating on his winding and weaving. Shepard watched his face, too nervous to watch his fingers work. He’d look after her. Nothing bad could happen, not with both of her men here with her. His eyebrows were drawn together, lips thin with concentration. Shepard grinned to herself. Kaidan’s eyebrows never failed to make her smile. They were the most expressive part of his face. She could tell just what mood he was in by the angle of those thick brows. He could have entire conversations just with them.

He hummed every so often, tilting his head as he turned her arm. The ribbon was cool on her skin, wound tight. James never left her side, fingers massaging her thigh, reassuring. But then that hand left her. Kaidan’s attention switched from her to James. Concerned, she followed his eyes, seeing his deft fingers work their way up James’ left arm.

“Kaidan,” she warned. Her voice pierced the quiet that had held so long.

“‘ts okay, Berry,“ he said. “You’re okay. You’re looking great. You both are.”

James leant in and kissed her cheek, distracting her, kissing down her jaw, nuzzling her neck. Before she could get lost in the sensations, Kaidan tapped her knee.

“Hey, look.”

Shepard looked. The blue ribbon wound up her forearm and back down, a long length draping down from her wrist. She could still move, her arm was still free and while the ribbon was tight as she flexed, it wasn’t uncomfortably so. She spent so long staring at her arm that she’d failed to appreciate the connection with James. She followed the ribbon as it draped over her thigh before leading back up and looping around his wrist just a few times, finished with a kind of bow.

“We’re connected. Biotic blue,” she said, smiling at him. He grinned back. She looked at Kaidan. “You’ve bound us together.”

He just gave a small nod and a quick grin. “You can get out if you need, real quick. Just tug hard and that bow will come undone.”

Shepard gave an experimental pull, just enough to see the ribbon on James’ wrist slip.

“You’ve been practicing for this,” she said, clamping her legs around Kaidan’s sides, holding him in place.

“Uh huh.”

“For long long?”

He held her face in his hands. “Since you first showed me that picture.” He kissed her lightly, his beard tickling her cheeks. That was months and months ago, way back when the pain and frustration had been so raw.

“He’s a patient fucker,” James piped up. “Believe me.”

Shepard laughed, James’ comment shaking her out of her dopey reverie. “And here I was about to announce my undying love for the both of you. Thanks James.”

“Hey, it’s all good Lola. We know you love us.” He kissed her, shifting to lean in, pull her into him without upsetting the ribbon holding them together. “Come on. Let us show you how much we love you,” he whispered.

He shuffled back up the bed, Kaidan climbing up too, encouraging Shepard back, letting herself get swept up by their kisses, their fingertips, tongues, their embraces. She ached with a familiar tenderness, gasping as fingers that knew her so well brushed over her skin, through her hair. Even the loop of ribbon connecting her to James seemed to know how to touch her, draped at one time over her breast, mimicking Kaidan’s soft touch. Or between her legs, James’ favourite place. She let them take her apart piece by peice.

*

Much later, boneless and sated, sandwiched between her two lovers, Shepard lay on her back, right arm in the air, admiring the way the light played on the satin as she turned her arm side to side. She was still connected to James. He lay to her right, like he had before, hadn’t left her side the whole night. He lifted his arm too, twisting and bending it slightly so he could lace his fingers between hers. He squeezed, then he let go. Their arms drifted apart, the ribbon pulling taut as the bow on his wrist slipped, finally falling loose, pooling over both of them.

Kaidan must have been watching. He heaved himself up on one elbow, leant over Shepard’s left and carefully unwound the ribbon. It’d left faint lines up her arm. Nothing like those left on James, but just enough. As it slipped off and onto her belly, she felt a sense of loss, like the link binding the three of them together had slipped away as the ribbon slipped away. But it didn’t last long. After Kaidan had coiled up the ribbon and set it aside, he drew the blankets up over them, tugging her in close, one arm reaching over her and resting on James. James rolled too, mirroring the action, enclosing her in the embrace.

“Love you,” she mumbled, on the cusp of sleep. “Thank you.”


End file.
